IFS & Self Energy

You Already Have Everything You Need.

If you’re familiar with IFS, you might have heard of the “8 C’s” of Self energy:

Compassion. Curiosity. Calm. Clarity. Courage. Connectedness. Confidence. Creativity.

And let’s be honest here, who wouldn’t want to embrace these qualities? Is this not what we’re all striving for?

Here’s where things get interesting, because there are actually good reasons that parts of us would not want these qualities in our systems. For example, accessing creativity or curiosity at some point in your life might have left you feeling vulnerable and hurt (think sweet curious child being scolded for playing outside in the dirt, or sweet creative child being made fun of for art work that didn’t measure up to others, etc.), and so a part of you says never again will I let my system be exposed like that. This is what a good protector does, right? Protects the system from further harm. Was it the creativity and curiosity that were actually the problem, though? Or was it needing approval and validation from others? Needing to feel safe and valued by those around us?

When you’re young, you depend on others for your survival, so of course your protectors need to step up whenever your approval from others is threatened. However, as an adult you are now fully equipped with all the hardware you need to care for yourself and access Self energy. Of course we need others- we know we are wired for connection AND… it’s not the same level of dependency as when you’re young and do not yet have the actual hardware (physically and mentally) to care for yourself independently.

So the good news is that you now have everything you need. The more complicated news is that many of our parts do not realize this yet because they are still stuck in the past, working away at their same old jobs day in and day out, without any awareness that NEWSFLASH- things are a changin’ out here! And so this is where things start getting fun. With IFS, you’re able to update and unburden these parts that have been working on overtime since who knows when, and you get to offer them a NEW way. A way where they just get to be the fun-lovin’ kids they were born to be and Self energy gets to take the lead for once. Because let’s face it, most of us have forgotten how to lead from Self energy. I say forgotten because this is actually something you already know how to do, you’ve just conditioned yourself away from it over the years. And that’s okay because now you have IFS. And yes, this is a simplified version of everything, but that’s okay too because your system is brilliant and you will uncover everything you need to know along the way.

Another point worth exploring is this whole idea of striving. If you’re anything like me, you were taught that you had to work your a** off in order to get anywhere in life. You had to be the best, the smartest, the most charismatic, the hardest worker, etc. etc. etc.. While of course these are all potentially good things, they can also be exhausting and literally suck the life out of us. Or in IFS terms, suck the life out of our parts. This is because striving is something that parts do, especially very well-trained manager parts that believe the system’s survival and worth are dependent on approval from others. For example, getting a promotion at work or that award for “the best heart of gold nurse” or whatever it is, makes us feel all warm and squishy inside because we feel safe when others approve of us. We feel safe when others validate our worthiness. And so we continue to overwork because we think this is what guarantees our security in life and we think this is what it is all about. Or at least our parts think that. Self energy, however, knows otherwise.

Self knows that we are already worthy of love and belonging, that actually it is our birthright to be worthy… exactly as we are. We actually don’t have to DO anything to become worthy because we already are worthy. YOU are ALREADY worthy. If there’s one take-away from this post this is it: You. Are. Worthy.

IFS teaches us we simply have to BE exactly as we are, and in doing so we access and connect to our innate worth and a whole lot of other good stuff, which we’ll get into later. This is so much different and so much more freeing than having to strive to be something. And the kicker here is that when you actually stop striving, things starts happening in ways you never dreamed possible! I truly believe this is how we were designed to operate, our blueprint so to speak. When parts are unburdened, updated, and connected to Self energy, they become actualized into their full potential. They become more and more of who they were meant to be. Self leads the way for all of your magnificent parts to do their magic, and in so doing, you become more fully aligned with your true self. And who doesn’t want that??